MMH5 – Five things to do if your cell phone rings during church service
The Monday Morning High Five
Continuing our list of all things 5 to hopefully bring a smile to your Monday.
No matter how many times you say it in the bulletin or pre-service powerpoint, it will happen. A cell phone ring in the middle of a service is an odd phenomenon. An entire service is still going on from the platform, but the audience starts a quick and unannounced game of Clue. Who is the culprit? Who didn’t turn their ringer to silent? There are two goals to accomplish if this happens to you. 1. Try to get it to silent and apologize as soon as possible -OR- 2. Play it off like it’s not your phone that just went off in the middle of the service
photo by _ES
Here’s five things to do if your cell phone rings during the service:
1. Chuck it across the auditorium – This is a classic rookie mistake. You want to stop the ring, plus have no one know that it came from you. You would think, “Hey, if I launch this ringing disturbance across the room, people will be so confused that they wouldn’t think it was me!” Wrong! As soon as that phone rings, people are already in “hunt mode” to see who’s it is. Like the cops, they are already tracing the line, and they have it narrowed down to a couple of feet within seconds. By time you get it out of your pocket/purse, you’ve already been listed as one of the prime suspects.
2. Ignore it – The thought process is to just ignore that it is your phone altogether. Throw everyone off by acting as annoyed as they are. Give the I-can’t-believe-someone-forgot-to-silence-their-phone disappointed look. Make sure to look around, and ask the person next to you if it’s their phone. This will only work once, and if you are called again,…you can’t cheat cell phone ringing twice, my friend.
3. Accept defeat – It’s yours. You’ve been caught red-handed. Go for a guilty plea bargain by silencing it and waving your electronic device of shame to the crowd admitting it was you. Make sure to smile and nod as if to say, “Yep, my bad everyone.” The people still on the hunt will be relieved to find closure on their case, and the ones annoyed will be more forgiving as soon as you fess up. Very chivalrous.
4. Answer it – Act like this was an important call that you were expecting. Rule #1 when pulling off answering it: Be cool. You have to be James Bond on this. Check the caller ID, gasp, and whisper to your seat neighbor, “I got to take this”, then get out of your seat and out of the auditorium. It could just be your mother asking if you were still coming over for lunch, but no one else knows that. This is reserved for level 5 black belt cell phone ninjas only. Do not attempt without first practicing at smaller venues such as restaurants or the library.
5. Slip it into your neighbor’s pocket – This can only work with proper planning. You must already have your cell phone in your pocket. No one reaches for gum in their purse once a cell starts ringing. You have to first, play it off like it’s not yours (see #2). Be looking around, and when your neighbor is turned the other way, reverse pickpocket your cell. Be quick. If they catch you, you’ll have an extremely awkward situation. Pull it off right, and even Danny Ocean would smile in approval.
So what do you do when your cell phone rings during a service?
Share and Enjoy:
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My personal favorite:
6) Ham it up. You already have the entire auditorium staring in your direction, as most people can detect the general origin of sound waves, so why not go for broke? While answering your phone, stand up, raise your hand toward the stage and ask if whoever is speaking could please hold on just a moment as you have a phone call. It should only be a moment after all, and then everyone can get back to the service.
This is of course assuming it happens during the sermon, if it were during worship few people would hear it anyway. This probably would work best if you're visiting another church or don't intend on returning to your current on ever again.
Or if you're in the worship band.
haha! My #2 personal favorite: is when it happens to the pastor, speaker, worship leader, etc.. My #1 is when they answer it. Always a good time.
So awesome.
7) Eat it.
But seriously, I always have my phone on vibrate. By always, I mean literally I never have the ringer on. For whatever reason, I just don't get into the whole ringtone thing.
If, however, my phone was to actually ring and go off in church, I'd probably try to turn it off really quick but end up treating it like a bar of soap: juggling it, trying to grab it, tossing it, never getting a hold of it, falling down out of the balcony and bringing the shower curtain (why did I bring that to church??) with me.
And everyone would know it was me for sure.
Hilarious! #7 is awesome!
An entire service is still going on from the platform, but the audience starts a quick and unannounced game of Clue.
Laughing out LOUD here !! The visual of the congregation doing this is spot on. Thanks for the Monday laugh !!
lol Glad you enjoyed it! Hope it made your Monday that much better
how about if your the interpreter for the deaf…and your phone goes off? Everyone sitting in that section is deaf and cant hear it. But you can – but your stuck…so the entire congregation is left wondering "Did Warf from the Enterprise really just walk in here and suddenly announce that he had detected and intruder?" (over and over for a minute and a half) That is my sisters story — and we never let her live it down!!
I have on another occasion seen the speaker answer the phone (mid sentence) to tell the person they should know better to call him on a Sunday Morning! lol
I honestly don’t think I’ve had one go off in church before. I did however get invited by a friend to go to an advanced screening of Star Wars: Episode 1. People were dressed up and acting like this was the biggest thing ever. I wanted to see the movie, but it wasn’t that big a deal to me.
Well, right in the beginning, someone called me on my cell and I couldn’t get it to silence. People started yelling at me, and I was pretty embarrassed. I couldn’t pretend it wasn’t me and ignore it because if I didn’t shut it off, I was afraid the crowd would rise up and pummel me. Anyway, that’s my cell phone story.
haha! By the way, the whole time I was reading this, the story was playing in my head to the Star Wars Emporers theme. lol.
I have seen someone do #1.
Right in the middle of the invitation, Didi's* cell phone (which was on the seat next to her) went off. She reached for it, but fumbled and it fell to the floor. It must have opened slightly when it fell, because it stopped ringing. Trying to be nonchalant, she kicked it and it slid underneath the chairs several rows in front of her. Then whoever it was must have felt that they were ignored accidentally, because they called back. The four-year-old who's chair it had landed under crawled down there, grabbed it, and holding it up like a trophy exclaimed, "I found your phone for you, Auntie Didi!"
….Pastor never skipped a beat.
*Names have been changed to protect the guilty.
Wow. haha! Like I said, Chucking the phone across the auditorium: Rookie mistake.