Continuing our list of all things 5 to hopefully bring a smile to your Monday.

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When I first heard of Joseph’s coat of many colors in Sunday School, I thought, “Wow, that must have been a cool coat.” After coloring it with my crayons all different colors, I thought what I’d look like with his coat on me.  That’s when I realized that my depiction made his coat seam pretty lame. There’s no way his brothers would be jealous of this “rainbow coat”. So here are my five alternatives that would explain his brother’s envy for Joseph’s coat.

1. Bedazzled Jean Jacket – Some translations say that Joseph’s coat was richly ornamented. So my theory is that it was a bedazzled jean jacket. This would not be something that his brothers would envy.  Though a well bedazzled “Joseph” on the back might have been cool. Chance of actually being Joseph’s coat – 40%

2. Leather Jacket – Ba-dana-na-na  b-b-b-b-bad to the bone.  How cool would Joseph be if he had a sweet sport leather jacket? This would have been something for Joseph’s brothers to be jealous of.  I’d imagine Joseph hopping off his camel, taking off his helmet, swinging his head to fix his hair, and tugging on his leather jacket right below the collar. All of this being done in slow motion with catchy music playing in the background. Chance of actually being Joseph’s coat – 63.4%

3. Letterman Jacket – When Joesph lettered in slingshot and goatball, his brothers could have been jealous of his jock popularity. This two toned coat is only cool in high school though. At the day of  graduation, letterman jacket coolness stock crashes. His older brothers would know the brevity of letterman jacket coolness and would just wait it out. Chance of actually being Joseph’s coat – 5 goatball points

4. Trench Coat – The only time people have been really cool while wearing trench coats have been in the instances of Inspector Gadget, Dick Tracy, and Neo.  Streakers and guys who try to sell fake Rolexes have ruined trench coat branding. Chance of actually being Joseph’s coat – 10%







5. Snuggie – I believe that this truly was Joseph’s coat. You may think that a Snuggie probably wouldn’t be something to be jealous of. Quite possibly the Jacob clan wasn’t jealous either until they were all relaxing in the living room, and Joseph was keeping his arms warm while reading. I can see his brothers becoming exceedingly frustrated with their armless blankets and glaring at Joseph with hatred at his awesome book light. Chance of actually being Joseph’s coat – 99.9%

Any other ideas of what Joseph’s coat could have been?

lopolis via Flickr

September, where did you go? You were here and gone so quick!  Well, even though you’re gone for good, I thought I’d look back at some of the more interesting things we talked about while you were here.

• Monday Morning High Five: Football – Bible edition

With the start of the NFL season, I thought I’d do a satirical look at which NFL teams these Biblical characters would play for and their careers if they played today.

• Take Up Your Cross and Follow

Cartoon about Mark 8:34

• In Remembrance

We tend to think of the attacks that took place on September 11th 2001 as attacks against America.  On that day a total of 2,993 people, including the hijackers, died in the attacks. I was surprised to learn that nationals from over 90 countries were killed that day…

• Shoe Solution

In my journey for a remedy to my closet filled with shoes, I found many great options for recycling my old shoes that I wanted to share…

• Forgotten Ministry? Practice What You ‘Preach’

Chances are, congregational singing is not often thought of as part of the ministry, but it is the first opportunity a lost person will have to hear the Gospel when entering the church service.

ladybugbkt via Flickr

Continuing our list of all things 5 to hopefully bring a smile to your Monday

Church softball leagues can be a great way to fellowship with people in your church.  When it’s slow pitch softball, no one is cut from the team, and you can connect with the ball at bat most of the time.  It can be fun reliving the good ‘ol days of athleticism.  After I found out that pro baseball wasn’t for me (When I realized that after T-ball, people cared if you were good or not), softball has been an excellent outlet for the “couch manager” of my beloved Red Sox. When playing in a church league, snagging a grounder and throwing it to first while mid-jump can make you feel like you’re Derek Jeter. Even if it’s all done at half the speed, with a ball twice the size, in front of an audience that could fit inside a Dairy Queen.

Church softball leagues can also be an outlet for pride and untamed competitiveness.  With all the church softball teams I have been on, God has kept us humble by devoiding us of enough talent to win games. There are some churches, though, that take softball a little too seriously. Maybe I’m speaking out of jealousy.  Maybe I’d rather have been the church that got that huge 1st place trophy instead of the consolation price for worst record in the league: The Christian Testimony award.

Either way, here are five signs your church is taking its softball too seriously:

1. Championship banners are hung from the ceiling of the auditorium like you’re the Boston Celtics.
2. When searching for a pastor, a low ERA was a prerequisite.
3. You actually have uniforms – And not just the printed T-shirts from some guy at the local custom print store who, “Gave you a deal”.  I mean real, name on the back, awkwardly tight pants, uniforms.
4. Jock Jams are included in the regular worship service. Though I believe that the Holy Spirit should move in the song service, I doubt that the this is what the song “I Like To Move It” is talking about.
5. For communion, crackers and juice are replaced by PowerBars and Gatorade.

Have any other signs that your church is taking its softball too seriously? Let us know in the comments!

balaam via Flickr

Continuing our list of all things 5 to hopefully bring a smile to your Monday

Get that flat palm ready, it’s time for a Monday Morning High Five!

When I was a little, I was enchanted by the story of the Israelites being fed manna from heaven as a way of sustenance.  I always tried to come up with ideas of what manna was and tasted like.  Here are my five theories.

1. Angel Food Cake – Ok, I’ll admit, this was an obvious one.  Manna was described in Psalms as the bread of angels. It only makes sense that it came to be these holed cakes that showed up with the dew every morning.  Also, when the Israelites started to complain about the manna, it was most likely because they knew how much better devil’s food cake was.

2. Whatchamacallit bar – The word “manna” itself in Hebrew means “What is it?”, which roughly translates in today’s vernacular as, “whatchamacallit”.  One could reason that after they named this mysterious, sweet food they began to sell and market it. Hershey later bought the brand and has been futilely stocking it next to cashiers in stores ever since.

3.  Honey Maid Graham Crackers – Manna was described in Exodus as tasting like wafers that were made with honey.  I think it can be suggested that it was graham crackers that were sent from heaven to feed the Israelites.  Their frustrations soon developed as they sat by fires with sticks and patiently waited for chocolate and marshmallows to follow. Sadly, they never came.

4. Rock Candy – Ok we’re going to get scientific here.  Exodus says that manna was comparable in size to hoarfrost. Hoarfrost is also known as Radiation Frost, which refers to white ice crystals (thanks wikipedia!). To me, this means that manna could possibly have been my favorite candy on a wooden stick: rock candy.

5. Krispy Kreme Original Glazed Doughnuts (is there really another kind of Krispy Kreme doughnut?) – Out of all my theories, I believe that this one holds up the best when compared to the Bible’s description of manna.  They are white like a coriander seed.  The book of Numbers tells us that the Israelites ground it up and pounded it into cakes, which were then baked, resulting in something that tasted like cakes baked with oil.  Also, the Israelites were instructed to eat only what they had gathered that day, and all the stored up food turned gross the next day. And we all know that with Krispy Kremes, they are only good when freshly baked that day.

Have any other theories of what manna was?

lopolis via Flickr

Continuing our list of all things 5 to hopefully bring a smile to your Monday

It’s Monday morning, and you know what that means! We’re here to cure your Monday blues with a high five!

With the start of the NFL season, I thought I’d do a satirical look at which NFL teams these Biblical characters would play for and their careers if they played today.

1.  Goliath – New York Giants – Linebacker
Goliath was an incredible athlete, and heavily recruited in high school, college, and the pros.  At linebacker, his size is what made those on the other side of the field shiver in fear.  He was an absolute terror to anyone who dared take him on. Known for his trash talk and large ego, Goliath’s career was cut short due to substantial head injuries.

2.  Jonah – Miami Dolphins – Running Back
One of the fastest men on two feet, Jonah could run and dodge problems like a knife through butter. Jonah had issues with team chemistry though.  He was thrown off his prior team, the Buccaneers, and was quickly picked up by the Dolphins.  After playing for the Dolphins, he retired early and became a color commentator for CBS.  His catchphrase was calling players “worms” and seemingly getting angry over the littlest things.

3.  Elijah – Baltimore Ravens – Wide Receiver
The more the Ravens threw to Elijah, the more he caught.  Elijah was also known for his running ability and an uncanny way about knowing what the defense was going to do before each play.  Despite his incredible playing ability, it wasn’t defensive players, but off-field issues with women that seemed to plague Elijah the most. After retiring in blazes of glory, Elijah returned years later to play one final game with an all-star cast that included both Moses and Jesus.

4.  Daniel – Detroit Lions – Quarterback
Daniel only played for a short stint with the Lions. Though highly talented, Daniel could only do so much with the team.  No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get them to do anything. The rest of the team never seemed to live up to their own expectations.  Daniel left almost as soon as he got there.

5.  Paul – New Orleans Saints – Head Coach
Originally the head coach of the Saint’s rivals, Paul, after speaking with the Saint’s Owner, saw the light, and eagerly signed on as the Saint’s new head coach. His teachings were different from what they were used to, but once he got the Saints to fully accept his coaching style, they couldn’t be stopped. Paul was most remembered physically for his large, thick glasses, and his inability to write legibly. He is also remembered for talking about having a “thorn in his flesh”, which was believed to be in reference to the Mike Ditka/Ricky Williams draft fiasco.  He coached the Saints up until his death, and his teachings that remain etched in the Saints’ playbooks today, continue to inspire future Saints.  Paul will go down as one of the greatest head coaches in Saints’ history.